He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize