loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize