just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
