the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
