he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
