4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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