Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
