New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
