i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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