no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
