Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
