And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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