you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
