Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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