I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
