I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
