if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
