Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
