Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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