dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
