just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
