the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
