dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
