Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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