I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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