shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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