Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
