operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Enjoy the penises
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize