I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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