I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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