someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
