I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
