I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Your penis caused this!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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