last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
