so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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