Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
