Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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