Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
