I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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