So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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