Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
