Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
