Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
