a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
