I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
