its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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