i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
