I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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