What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
