meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize