Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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