I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think people are normalizing furries
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
