Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
