I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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