the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
