WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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