Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
