Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
look no pants
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
