I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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