I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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