On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
