goodnight i made you a song goodbye
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
