btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
