just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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