Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
