MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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