my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
