I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
