you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
