I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
