dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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