how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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