just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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