At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
