You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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