Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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