All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize